


querencia

by Significant_What



Series: and the sun so loved the moon [4]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Anxious Nico di Angelo, Body Image, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Dorks in Love, Drabble, Early Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Family, Family Fluff, Feelings, First Kiss, First Love, Future Fic, Insecurity, Light Angst, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Making Out, Mentions of Death, Nightmares, Pets, Plans For The Future, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sleepy Boys, boyfriend shirt, first I love yous, nanowrimo made me do it, supportive boyfriends, teenagers in love, welcome to my word vomit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-20 06:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13712190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Significant_What/pseuds/Significant_What
Summary: querencia(n.) a place where one feels safe, a place from which one's strength of character is drawn





	1. redamancy

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of got out of my writer's block by scrolling down Pinterest and stumbling across these beautiful, rare words with wonderful meanings. And by reading Rupi Kaur's poems. So let the fluff ensue. 
> 
> The chapters will each be named with the wonderful word it'll be based on. This first one is redamancy, and it's maybe more of a character study. I've been thinking about this one a lot, and I'm surprisingly happy with it.

**_redamancy_  
** _(n.) the act of loving the one who loves you; a love returned in full_

* * *

The thought occurs to Nico when he’s watching Will sass his siblings during breakfast on a summer Tuesday. Maybe it has something to do with the way Will’s words are all bark and no bite, how he manages to take apart Austin’s saxophone solo from last night’s camp fire almost sounding like he’s mocking him but in the end giving valuable feedback. Or maybe it’s the way Will has been wearing the same t-shirt for three days now and Nico can see a hot sauce stain from two nights ago on the collar. Perhaps Nico can still feel the lingering warmth of Will clinging to him in the early hours of the morning and that’s what makes him realize.

Nico does not want to tell Will he loves him.

It’s not as bad as it sounds. Because Nico loves Will, _so much_. He loves the sassy big brother Will and the overbearing head medic Will and the snuggly boyfriend Will, and judging by the way Will sometimes smiles at him without any particular reason Nico is pretty sure Will knows.

Loving Will, being in love with Will, it’s actually kind of obvious to Nico by now. It’s been almost two years. Of course there are days that he realizes it all over again, and then it feels like his heart will jump out of his chest and every word Will says sounds like the most wonderful thing Nico has ever heard. But most of the time it’s just a warm reminder; he sees Will doing something he does every day, and his mind goes _hello, you’re wonderful, and I love you_ , and then he moves on to the next thing.

But Nico hasn’t said it out loud yet. And the thing is that he really doesn’t even want to. Because just saying _I love you_ doesn’t seem like nearly enough at this point.

Nico has been around Jason and Piper and Percy and Annabeth for long enough to hear them toss the words around a lot. Sure, he has no doubt that they mean it every time, but something about it just seems… less. Nico doesn’t know how to describe it.

A simple word like _love_ doesn’t feel like enough. Nico doesn’t just _love_ Will. Just like Will isn’t just Nico’s boyfriend; Will is his other half, his partner in crime, his best friend. Nico kind of hates the term boyfriend. It dismisses most of the things they mean to each other, makes it sound like all they have is romantic love, which is so not true when they had everything else first.

Will listens to a lot of pop songs, and an alarming number of them are about love, so Nico thinks he has heard all the clichés. Lines upon lines about two people being made for each other, about soulmates, about complementing each other and understanding each other in a way no one else can. Clichés, horrible clichés, but sometimes Nico listens to them (and Will’s off tune singing along) and hates it how much he agrees. He doesn’t feel like he’s the kind of person to relate to love songs on the radio, yet Nico can’t deny the obvious fact that that’s exactly the kind of person he is.

To Nico, there are many types of love. There’s the obvious types, the platonic and the romantic and the sexual and so on, and Nico know of them all. But there’s also the loud kind, the one where Jason cheers on loudly when Piper is sparring with someone in the arena, the one where Will makes sure everyone can see him when he takes Nico’s hand and kisses his knuckles. Then there’s the kind Nico has named as _kill me now_ , the one where Percy really should be more aware of other people present when he starts undressing Annabeth with his eyes, the one that instantly makes everyone else around you uncomfortable and possibly wanting to wash their eyes with acid.

Nico has spent many hours in the middle of the night, wide awake and listening to Will’s quiet snores mix with the crackling of Greek fire, trying to create categories to all the types of love he knows. He’s not yet halfway through, but he already knows which one is his favorite.

Will finally takes a bite of his oatmeal pancake and lets out a moan that is almost indiecent. ”Oh. My. Gods. These must be the best pancakes ever made.” He cuts out another bit and holds out a fork for Nico. ”Here, you’ve got to try this.”

Nico doesn’t mention the drop of strawberry jam stuck on Will’s lip. He doesn’t point out that he has a stack of the exact same pancakes on his own plate, or that he has already eaten one. Nico leans in and lets Will feed him a bite that has a little too much jam on it, and when Will looks at him curiously he nods and gives a little smile.

”It’s good.”

Will may roll his eyes, but his smile is pleased. ”One of these days we have to make it a point to expand your vocabulary.” He proceeds to list at least sixteen adjectives to describe the pancakes that are somehow better than just good, and Nico eats his own breakfast with considerably less jam and more blueberries.

Will’s hair catches the sunlight pouring over the hill, and Nico’s heart whispers, _hello, you’re wonderful, and I love you_. Will’s eyes smile and say, _I know, and I love you too_.


	2. vorfreude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **vorfreude**  
>  (n.) the joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future pleasures

**_vorfreude_  
** _(n.) the joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future pleasures_

* * *

Somewhere on the Milky Way there is a star. A small planet goes around that star, and on that planet there’s a city. In that city a street, and on that street a building.

_And in that building_ , Will thinks, looking at Nico’s sleeping face and barely able to contain his smile, _in one of it’s crappy apartments, is you. And you have a heart that I love._

Will is well aware that he’s being even sappier than usual. He’s long since used to being the sappy one in their relationship, even though Nico does have his moments. But gazing lovingly (and not at all creepily) at his sleeping boyfriend in the early hours of the morning and pondering about the universe is a new level of sappy even for Will.

But, well. He can’t really help himself, can he. That’s the kind of thing a morning in a first shared apartment does to a person.

There aren’t boxes everywhere, because they don’t really have own that much stuff yet. There’s the bed and a few sets of sheets, a somewhat full box of kitchen stuff on the counter, and two bags of clothes by the bathroom door. They don’t even have curtains, and when they get up the first thing they need to do is go to the store because there is absolutely nothing to eat here. Will absently thinks that they probably should have looked for some necessities before they left camp yesterday, but then he focuses on Nico again.

Because of the lack of curtains, the early morning sun shines in uninterrupted, uninvited, but not unwelcome. The golden hue makes Nico look less pale, and it’s easier for Will to pick up the brown in Nico’s almost black hair. It’s hardly the first time Will has shared a bed with Nico, but he’s giddy to notice he can always find something he’s overlooked before. Like how thick Nico’s lashes are. Or that lone freckle on the bridge of his nose, near the corner of his eye.

It makes Will think about the fact that he’s going to have countless of mornings just like this one. Slow and peaceful, gradually becoming more aware of the world around them as they soak in each other’s presence. And maybe busy mornings, where they take quick turns in the shower and one of them makes coffee while the other finishes breakfast, and they’ll be out the door without much more than a word and a quick kiss on the cheek. Mornings when Nico will want to sleep in and Will is restless, going about the apartment and trying to make as little noise as possible until it’s noon and he’ll wake Nico up by blasting The Killers from the speakers.

Will likes the thought about those mornings. He much rathers thinks about those than the fact that many mornings will be passed in a blur, where Nico is going to be exhausted from night classes and Will is too busy with his own studies to focus on anything else. Those mornings will come, but Will has this now.

He has Nico, face open and sleepy as he lies on his back, blankets falling low to his chest. And all Will can think about is how this is really happening; they finally have a place for themselves, away from camp. It’s a small shoebox of an apartment with horrible carpets and a leaking faucet in the bathroom, but hey, the only way is up from here. Will is an optimist, and he’s already picturing another apartment, perhaps a few years in the future, with large windows and an actual bedroom and a kitchen fit for two people to work in. Then, later, perhaps even an actual house, once they’ve both graduated and Nico has figured out what he wants to do with his degree.

But there’s no rush. There’s absolutely no rush, because right now Will has this tiny apartment, and that tiny apartment has it’s flaws but at least it has Nico, so that’s more than fine.

As Will watches, Nico stirs a little. It starts with his shoulders, the way then tense for a second before relaxing again. Will sees the little twitch on his lips, an almost invisible flex of jaw, and hears the deep intake of breath. Nico doesn’t open his eyes, but his content face transforms into a slight frown as he turns his head a bit towards Will.

”Will?”

Nico is still more than half-asleep, and yet he’s acutely aware that Will is wide awake. Something about that makes Will’s heart ache in the best way possible as he leans in to press a feather light kiss on Nico’s shoulder.

”It’s still early”, he whispers, his lips gracing Nico’s sleep-warm skin. ”Go back to sleep.”

Nico is already turning on his side, hiding his face to Will’s chest. He snuggles closer and lets out a long sigh, the kind that you do when you’re perfectly content and at ease. Will wraps an arm around Nico’s waist, and Nico is fast asleep again by the time Will buries his nose into his hair. _It is rather early_ , Will thinks, and maybe it wouldn’t hurt for him to get a couple of hours more sleep, too. They don’t have anywhere else to be.

Closing his eyes, Will smiles and lets himself dream about the future where this isn’t brand new anymore, but an everyday luxury they can indulge in. It helps that Nico in his arms is warm and safe and wonderful, and Will’s heart skips a beat when he thinks that he’s going to have this every day.

There’s absolutely no place Wil would rather be. In this apartment, on that street, in that city on a planet surrounding a star on the Milky Way. But then again, maybe if Nico was somewhere else, on another star in another galaxy, Will would rather be there, too.


	3. quatervois

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **quatervois**   
>  _(n.) a crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one’s life_

**quatervois  
** _(n.) a crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one’s life_

* * *

It’s raining when Nico unlocks the door to their apartment, hunching down and protecting the tiny trembling bundle inside his jacket. He hears Will as soon as the door closes behind him, singing as he does the dishes in the kitchen. It makes Nico crack a smile, and he kicks off his shoes as he calls, not too loudly, ”I’m back.”

Will stops singing and turns the music down a little, and Nico rounds the corner still wearing his dripping jacket to see Will drying his hands on a towel. ”I told you to bring an umbrella. You owe me five bucks.”

When Will comes closer to give Nico one of his crushing hugs, Nico has to take a step back with a worried frown on his face. ”Careful! You don’t want to hurt her.”

”Her?”

Nico unzips his jacket enough to let a fluffy head peek out, round eyes sleepy but curious. ”She was all alone by the dumpsters when I walked past. I couldn’t just leave her there. I even bought her food.”

The kitten reaches one ridiculously small paw out and Nico kneels on the floor to let her walk. He takes off his jacket and leans against the oven as he watches her take a few unsteady steps. She can’t be much older than two weeks. Nico takes the small bag of cat food from his jacket pocket and lets the kitten eat from his hand, and he can’t help the smile that spreads on his face at the sight.

”Nico di Angelo, tell me you didn’t just bring in a stray.”

Nico looks at Will, and he can’t read the look on his face. ”What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t just leave her there, Will. She was trembling and alone, and she’s just a baby. She doesn’t know how to take care of herself. I would have been heartless if I didn’t take her home.” He holds the kitten up and nuzzles her soft fur, and really, there’s just something about kittens that makes Nico so incredibly happy. ”I promise I’ll bring her to the shelter on Monday, but she needs to stay for now. I’m not going to let her die behind a dumpster in the rain.”

The mere thought of it makes Nico’s chest hurt. There’s something about this gray ball of fluff that has already managed to carve it’s way to Nico’s heart. He’s already attached to the kitten, and he knows parting with her on Monday will be difficult. But, Nico thinks as he closes his eyes and holds the kitten to his cheek, if Will doesn’t want a cat, then he will have to compromise. Will is more of a dog person, after all.

”Oh my gods”, Will whispers, and when Nico looks up at him again Will’s eyes are round and his cheeks are tinted red. ”Please, marry me. Like, now.”

Nico feels himself blush worse than he has in years. He bites his lower lip and looks somewhere over Will’s left shoulder, the emotions both from himself and from Will being a little too much to bare. The kitten crawls up on his shoulder and he gently picks her up and cradles her against his thumping heart.

”Will – ”

”Shit.” Will runs both of his hands down his face and up again to grip his hair in his fists. ”I did _not_ mean to say that. I mean I did, but not like that. I mean I want to. I mean – ”

”Will.” Nico smiles at the way Will looks like he’s on the verge of a panic attack over something so silly. He pats the floor beside himself and waits for Will to sit down before asking, ”Would you like to hold her?”

Will takes the kitten, and his hands have never before looked quite that big. Nico uses one finger to stroke her fur as Will holds her in wonder, bringing her closer to his face to give her a proper look, and Nico suddenly understands exactly what made Will pop the question so suddenly.

Because Will with a kitten is what daydreams are made of. It’s everything he never knew he needed to see in his life before now, all wrapped in a package so adorable it makes Furies cry. Will’s eyes shine as the kitten touches her nose to Will’s and then sneezes, the power of it shaking her whole body so terribly she almost falls. But Will keeps her steady, careful not to hold her too tightly, and his whole seems to melt the longer he holds her.

”Okay”, Nico says then, voice barely more than a whisper. Will looks at him with questions in his eyes. ”Okay, I’ll marry you. I’ll _so_ marry you.” A shiver runs down Nico’s spine, but he doesn’t know if it’s because of his rain soaked clothes or the look of absolute delight Will is giving him. ”But not tonight. It’s late, and I need a hot shower, and someone needs to take care of the little one.”

Will laughs, breathless and beautiful as he reaches one hand to hold Nico’s. ”I can work with that”, he says, and maybe Nico’s heart skips a beat, because _what just happened?_ ”Give me a kiss, though.”

Nico gives him three, and just before Will pulls away he steals a fourth, and then he leans his head on Will’s shoulder as he looks at the kitten, so small and falling asleep on Will’s palm.

”Go take a shower before you catch a cold”, Will mutters to Nico’s hair. ”I’ll take care of her in the meantime.”

Nico goes, and when he comes back he finds Will laying on his back on the couch, the kitten sleeping in the crook of his neck as he googles how to care for an orphaned kitten. If Nico didn’t want to marry Will before, he does now. He says as much, and Will grins like an idiot.


	4. gezellig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **gezellig**  
>  (adj.) cozy, nice, inviting, pleasant, comfortable; connoting time spent with loved ones or togetherness after a long separation

_**gezellig  
** (adj.) cozy, nice, inviting, pleasant, comfortable; connoting time spent with loved ones or togetherness after a long separation_

* * *

One would think that after nine months of separation three more days wouldn’t be so bad. That at this point, Nico could focus his thoughts on the moment Will would finally return to camp, instead of repeatedly counting the hours, minutes, seconds he still had to go alone.

Apparently common sense is something that has escaped Nico for the moment.

It’s not even like Nico can’t live without Will. Obviously he can, and if he’s being totally honest, the year they’ve spent apart due to Will’s first year in college hasn’t been all that bad. The lack of Will around has forced Nico to come out of his shell and interact with other people, and sometimes when he’s feeling braver than usual, he might even go as far as saying that he has made real friends. He has spend hours with the children of Nemesis to create plans for all the following summer’s capture the flag games, and he still sits in the Apollo table during meals and has connected with Will’s siblings on a whole new level.

And yet, Nico finds himself missing Will more than he’d care to admit, staring at the ceiling of the Hades cabin in the early morning, watching as the rising sun painted the wood orange. Will would probably find something poetic about it, and Nico would huff in half amusement and demand that Will go back to sleep.

As it is, now it’s just Nico, and despite the early hour (barely even eight) he’s wide awake. He could, of course, get up and have breakfast with Austin before Austin starts his shift in the infirmary at eight-thirty, but no. This is not one of those days. This is a day when Nico just wants to curl up in his bed and wait for the sun to set again. He refuses to admit that it’s because he misses Will, because no, Nico di Angelo is _not_ the clingy boyfriend.

Will hasn’t been back to camp since spring break. That’s two months. Of course they talk a few times a week, Iris messages and texting back and forth almost constantly. But that’s not the same as actually seeing each other. After a few years of seeing Will every day and being with him every moment he could spare, the separation now feels like a lot.

(Nico could shadow travel to Will’s dorm room. He had suggested that once, and then Will had threatened to make Kayla bind him into an infirmary bed if he even tried. Nico is pretty sure Kayla wouldn’t be able to catch him, but he doesn’t want to take chances.)

Nico lets out a long sigh (that he would immediately deny if anyone ever heard it) and throws off the covers. The chill in the room isn’t as bad as usual, and Nico forgoes his usual slippers and walks to his drawer barefoot. He’s already awake, might as well get ready for the day even if he has no real intention leaving his cabin any time soon.

He’s brushing his teeth when he hears the knock on the door. Thinking it’s probably Kayla or Clovis asking him to join them for breakfast, Nico ignores it. He’s really not in the mood right now.

The knocking is persistent. Nico is almost certain Jason has come back from California to be his personal pain in the ass. Even more of a reason not to answer.

”Come on, sunshine. We’ve talked about this. What’s the most important meal of the day?”

Nico is by the door before the sentence is finished. He opens the door so quickly he almost tears it off it’s hinges – and there Will is, wearing his stupid cargo shorts and flip flops and a bright orange t-shirt. Just like that, like he never even left.

”Will?” Nico is confused. Did he get the days wrong? That can’t be it, he’s been counting every hour precisely –

”Ah, no, I’m afraid there are no Wills in the menu. Not very nutritional.” Will’s grin is so bright it almost blinds Nico, but there’s no way Nico is looking away. Will could disappear if he did. ”But, you know, we could arrange something for a dessert later. If you ask nicely.”

When Nico wraps his arms around Will, he expects his heart to be beating crazy fast. That’s what it usually does when Will does something unexpected and nice. But no; for the first time since Will left after spring break, Nico feels calm and content, peaceful in a way he still isn’t quite used to. He buries his face to the crook of Will’s neck and breathes deeply, and Will’s arms around him tighten just that little bit that makes Nico very aware of the muscles on them.

”I thought you weren’t coming until Friday”, Nico mutters to Will’s skin, unable to let go even if he hears multiple wolf whistles from campers passing by on their way to the dining pavilion. Let them look. Nico is taking his moment.

”Finished my last essay early and booked the next flight out of there.” Will’s voice is still bright, but now it’s just barely over a whisper. He speaks right next to Nico’s ear, and Nico is sure he’s blushing a little, but why does that matter anyway? It’s Will. ”Took a cab from the airport and paid a ridiculous sum of money for it, but it was totally worth it.” Nico feels Will’s body shake with laughter. ”You should have seen your face. I wish I’d taken a picture.”

”You’re an ass.”

Will doesn’t say anything, just leaves a kiss on the shell of Nico’s ear and then rests his chin on Nico’s shoulder. It’s comfortable, even with the bone digging rather painfully to Nico’s clavicle and the morning chill making Nico’s still bare toes freeze. It’s nice and cozy, and this, this is what Nico has been missing the most. The easy way he is with Will, with no theatrics or show, just them being like they’ve always been, just Nico and Will.

”I missed you.” It’s said so quietly that at first Nico isn’t even sure Will said it all. But then Will’s fingers press a little harder on where they’re holding on to Nico’s back, and Nico raises a hand to cradle the back of Will’s head. Will has recently gotten a haircut. It’s different, a little shorter than what he usually goes for, but Nico rather likes it.

Keeping his eyes closed, Nico kisses his way up from Will’s shoulder to the spot behind his ear, and thumbs at the base of Will’s skull, just feeling him. ”I missed you, too.”


	5. sillage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ****  
> _sillage  
> _
> 
> _(n.) the scent that lingers in air, the trail left in water, the impression made in space after something or someone has been and gone; the trace of someone’s perfume_

**_sillage  
_ ** _(n.) the scent that lingers in air, the trail left in water, the impression made in space after something or someone has been and gone; the trace of someone’s perfume_

* * *

Will is still cursing when he reaches the Apollo cabin. Flu season is tedious in and of itself, but when you work in the infirmary and have someone puke all over you? That’s a whole new level of nasty.

This is the third time this week.

Walking straight to the bathroom, Will throws his soiled shirt and shorts in the sink and pours water over them to get rid of the worst of it. It’s becoming a routine by now. Will sighs heavily and takes a quick shower before washing the clothes properly and hanging them to dry by the window – right next to the ones he washed this morning. They’re almost dry, now.

The Apollo cabin is empty, for once; it’s late afternoon, most of Will’s siblings are in archery class until dinner in half an hour. Will can’t remember the last time he was the only one in the cabin. The silence is deafening, but somehow nice. It’s different than the silence in Nico’s cabin – the Greek fire is cabin thirteen is always filling the emptiness with crackling and a green hue. Will is so used to it that the absolute silence inside cabin seven is almost scary. He needs to fill it with humming.

Will walks to his drawer and opens it to find that he still has one clean t-shirt left. No pants, though, but that’s not a problem. He’ll just borrow some jeans from Austin. He takes the shirt and pulls it over his head when he smells it.

It’s sweet, but not like a flower. A little bitter, maybe, like smoke or a burned waffle, but not in a bad way, and it’s gone almost as soon as it appears. It’s almost like a lingering touch, comforting and achingly familiar, but Will doesn’t quite know how to place it. And what’s more intriguing is that the smell is coming form his shirt.

Will has lived in Camp Half Blood for years. In those years he’s become very familiar with the smell of the laundry detergent here, the same one year after year. The label says lavender, but Will knows it smells a little too sweet. The point is that he’s very used to it, knows to expect it when he pulls on a clean shirt. This smokey, bittersweet scent, although very nice, isn’t that. The new scent is nice, though, and Will just knows he has smelled it before, but he can’t say where. It bothers him to no end all through dinner.

The reality of the situation doesn’t open to Will until later that night, towards the end of camp fire. Will and Nico are seated in their spot near the back, hidden in the shadows where Nico feels more comfortable holding Will’s hand and leaning against him. Most of the other campers have already left, heading to bed after another long day of activities, and only a few of the older ones stay chatting and laughing around the fire. It’s calm and peaceful, and when Nico squeezes Will’s hand Will smiles and drops a kiss to the top of Nico’s head.

That’s when he smells it again. The smokey, bittersweet scent. It all suddenly makes perfect sense to Will, and he can’t stop the smile from spreading on his lips.

”Hey, Nico?” Will mutters, and Nico lets out a small hum as a sign to continue. ”Did you borrow my shirt?”

Nico’s whole being freezes for a second, and in the next he’s sitting straight and inching a little further away from Will. He tries to detangle his fingers from Will’s, but Will squeezes their hands together and refuses to let go.

”It’s not weird.” Nico’s hiss sounds defensive. ”Malcolm uses Mitchell’s shirts all the time. It’s a – a boyfriend thing. It’s not weird. It’s _not_.”

Nico hates the word boyfriend, that much Will has learned. The fact that he uses it now as a defense is a bit baffling, but Will finds the blush dusting his cheeks so enchanting he decides to let it go for now. He just need to make sure Nico understands he’s not mad at him for borrowing the shirt.

”No, it isn’t”, Will agrees and squeezes Nico’s hand again. ”What _is_ a little weird, though, is that you didn’t tell me. I would have let you borrow it, you know. All you had to do was ask.”

The thought is actually kind of exciting. They have been dating for almost six months now (five months, two weeks, and six days, not that Will is counting), and in all that time there have been only a few purely couple-y things they’ve done – aside from the obvious, of course. Wearing each other’s clothes is something Will wasn’t aware he’d like as much as he clearly does, now that he has identified the strange scent as Nico’s.

”It’s just…” Nico keeps his eyes down and kicks at a small pebble on the ground. His fingers twitch in Will’s hand, but he doesn’t try to retrieve them anymore. ”Just a little embarrassing.”

Will can see why Nico would think that. In a camp this size there are a lot of people (mainly, Cecil and Jason and a few choice Aphrodite campers) who are a little too invested in the relationship Will has with Nico. Sometimes it’s hard to get them to leave things well enough alone. In one occasion the pressure was enough to have Nico avoiding Will for almost a full week. Will can only imagine Jason’s reaction if he caught Nico wearing one of Will’s shirts, even when a t-shirt is just a t-shirt.

Will drapes an arm over Nico’s shoulders, still refusing to let go of his hand, and pulls him closer again. Nico doesn’t lean on him again, but he doesn’t fight the closeness, either. Will counts it as a win.

”How about this”, Will whispers and strokes a thumb over Nico’s knuckles. ”I’ll lend you one of my shirts, and you’ll lend me one of yours. No one has to know – it’ll be out little secret. You can wear it to bed, or under a hoodie or something.”

Will counts ten seconds of silence before Nico subtly leans in again and relaxes. ”I want the one with the humerus pun.” Will can totally live with that.


	6. basorexia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **_basorexia  
> _ ** _(n.) the overwhelming desire to kiss_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to wish the happiest of birthdays to Lilo, who might not know it but who has given me inspiration to write again. I love you. Have some early relationship dorkness to brighten your day. (Who doesn't love early relationship fluff?)

**_basorexia  
_ ** _(n.) the overwhelming desire to kiss_

* * *

It’s been almost two weeks since Will sat next to Nico by the camp fire and held his hand for the first time. His skin still tingles at the memory, and his eyes automatically seek out Nico in the crowd. It’s a strange feeling, liking someone like this; Will can feel his heart beating louder when Nico gives him a little wave across the dining pavilion, and when he waves back and sees Nico blush and bite his lip Will can’t help the smile from appearing on his lips. It’s like Will’s body isn’t functioning normally, and yet he seems to b able to live his every day life just fine. In fact, he’s sure he hasn’t felt this good in years.

Nico is still reserved about affection and physical contact, and that’s fine. Will can work with that. Holding hands is more than okay, even if it doesn’t happen daily, and never when Nico thinks someone can see. Will supposes it’s understandable, and far be it from him to forcibly try to out someone. He’s been there, and he does not want Nico to experience that. Will is content with fingers brushing in the infirmary and shoulders bumping when they take their long walks along the shore.

Besides, they have so much to talk about. Will has made it his personal agenda to bring Nico up o date with pop culture, and Nico has _so many questions_. Most of them are valid, too, and Will is happy to recount yet another DC character’s back story if it means Nico will roll his eyes and huff a laugh that seems to be growing every time Will hears it.

Sometimes Nico talks about what he went through when he ran away from camp back then. Nothing dire, he probably won’t be ready for that for quite some time, but he does tell Will about how he came to love McDonald’s. And that one time he woke up from a nap and got startled by a stray cat so hard he accidentally shadow travelled to Alaska – with the cat. Apparently the cat followed Nico around a lot, until someone caught it and brought it to a shelter.

”I hope they found a home for it”, Nico says, a little lost in his own thoughts when he picks on the grass by his sneakers. ”It was a nice cat. A little crazy looking, but I guess it was just the unkempt fur and starvation.”

Will likes to listen to Nico’s voice. It’s quiet and soft, and you really need to focus to hear him sometimes. But with every day that passes by, Will can practically hear Nico gaining more strength and confidence, and even though Nico’s spoken volume doesn’t rise, Will is sure that before long he’ll be able to command armies with barely more than a whisper.

It’s both terrifying and exciting.

They fall into a comfortable silence. Will is pretty sure that Nico is still thinking about that cat. Nico’s eyes keep trained on the blades of grass he’s plucking, his gaze somewhere far away. Will leans back in the grass and closes his eyes, letting the sunlight warm his face. It’s almost October, even Camp Half-Blood will get colder soon. He might as well enjoy the warm while it lasts.

After a moment Will hears shuffling from his left, and cracks an eye to se Nico lying down on his belly, supporting himself on his elbows. Will quickly closes his eye again before Nico can see him looking. They’re so close that their hips are almost touching, and when Nico plucks another blade of grass Will can pretty much feel the movement of his arm. It’s exhilarating, the way keeping his eyes closed Will’s other senses go on overdrive. He wonders if Nico really smells like firewood or if his brain is just making stuff up.

”Hey, Will?”

Nico looks… strange, when Will turns to look at him. A little troubled, like he’s trying to decide something important. But there’s something in the way he holds himself, how he maybe leans a little closer to Will when he shifts, that eases Will’s mind. ”Yeah?”

Nico opens his mouth a few times without saying anything. Will thinks about how people say doing that makes you look like a fish. He doesn’t really see the resemblance. Maybe if Nico’s eyes were blue instead of brown…

”You…” Nico holds a blade of grass like a lifeline and stares it so hard Will feels a little sorry for it. ”You know that I – that I like you. Right?”

Oh. That. Yes, Will knows. Not because Nico told him before in so many words, but he knows. Because almost two weeks ago, when they were the last ones to walk back to the cabins from the camp fire, Nico let him hold his hand and even squeezed a little before letting go, and when Will confessed he wouldn’t mind being more than friends, there was a lovely blush on Nico’s cheeks as he nodded. Not exactly a declaration of deeper feelings, but Will is confident that in the past few months he has become somewhat fluent in reading Nico’s body language.

So, hearing Nico say it isn’t big news, but it is a surprise. And a delight. Will can feel how his heart skips the famous beat when his mind registers the words. His face flushes and he couldn’t keep himself from smiling even if he wanted to. And even though the sun is shining from a clear blue sky, nothing could feel brighter than this, Will is sure of that.

”Yeah. I know. I mean I hope. I mean”, Will rambles, feeling himself turn more red with each second that passes. He feels breathless when Nico turns to look at him with those eyes, and Will can’t read his expression at all, and maybe Will isn’t as fluent in Nico as he thought. ” _I_ like _you_. So, obviously I hope you like me back. I mean, that would be dope. Oh gods, I said dope. Don’t say dope, Nico, it’s not cool. I don’t understand how it was ever cool in the first – ”

Will has seen people stop others from rambling with a kiss. In movies, sure, but he _has_ seen it. He never, in a million years, thought he’s be subjected to that.

It’s pretty great.

Will’s whole body freezes with the first contact of lips against his. He doesn’t know what he expected, but Nico’s lips are almost as warm as the sun and a little chapped, possibly from slight dehydration. Will should fix that. He should have brought a water bottle, they have been here for hours. But he can’t move, because Nico’s lips still touch his, and Nico’s head is blocking the sun, and when Nico leans back and Will opens his eyes it looks like Nico has a halo around his head, and Will has never been in love but he thinks that soon he might be.

Nico has a freckle on the tip of his nose. It almost vanishes when Nico blushes. Will wonders if it’s okay to call another boy beautiful.

”That okay?” Nico asks, voice trembling, and Will realizes he’s been staring for too long.

”Yeah”, he breathes. ”Dope.”


	7. forelsket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **forelsket**  
>  (n.) the euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love

_**forelsket  
** (n.) the euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love_

* * *

For almost ten years now, Will has been certain he will never fall in love again. Falling in love with Nico doesn’t count; he falls every day a hundred different ways. But that’s different. No, Will is sure he can never ever fall in love with another person again, and even the thought has been a little insulting.

Nico has been telling him to never say never. _Life as a demigod is uncertain_ , he says. _And life in general. I could die tomorrow, for all we know. And I’d want you to move on, if that happens._

(This normally results in a serious heart to heart and a feverish make out session. It’s horrifying to think about losing Nico ever, never mind tomorrow. Will doesn’t like these talks, but he does rather enjoy what follows.)

For Will, falling in love has been off the table for so long that when it does happen he almost doesn’t recognize the feeling.

”She’s so _beautiful_ ”, Will whispers, unable to tear his eyes away from the curly dirty blonde hair and faint freckles. Next to him, Nico shifts in his seat, a little hesitant when he reaches out to stroke a soft cheek. ”I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so beautiful in my life.”

Abigail is a daughter of Hermes. Her mother died just a week ago, and since then she has been in the camp infirmary, healing from both physical and mental wounds. She has no relatives left, no one to look after her, and Camp Half-Blood is hardly a place for a three-year-old. Due to her wounds and trauma, she is going to need constant medical supervision for a while, and really, she just desperately needs a family to look after her.

Will and Nico were the first ones Chiron called.

Will has been with Abigail every moment since he arrived three days ago. Nico came today, and since then they have barely left her side at all. Yesterday, Nico was still a little skeptical about taking in a child (”We’re barely adults ourselves, Will, how are we supposed to know how to care for another human being?”) but now, after spending a day full of childish babbles and Mythomagic and easy smiles, Will can see that Nico is slowly but surely coming around.

Turning his head, Will looks at Nico as he watches over Abigail’s sleep. It’s her first night out of the infirmary, and they had all agreed that cabin thirteen was the easiest option to place her; the Hermes cabin is booked full, and as Nico is still the lone son of Hades, there aren’t any others she could possibly wake up with her nightmares. And this way she will have at least one of her hopefully soon to be guardians with her all through the night.

(Chiron might act like he doesn’t know it, but there’s no way Will is sleeping in the Apollo cabin now. He might have been open to discussion if the situation were different, but with Abigail? Not a chance.)

”She is.” Nico’s voice is soft and low, a lot like when his talks to their cat. His eyes are sharp when he takes in every detail in Abigail’s face, and Will can see how every muscle in his body is alert and ready to jump in her protection at every strange noise. ”I can’t stop looking at her.”

Will knows this, because he can’t either. He has never felt like this about a child before. Sure, he has always liked kids, loved playing with them and showing them the ropes at camp and telling them ghost stories while teaching them to make s’mores. Yet, Will has never really interacted with a child this young before. He has connected with Abigail on a level he never thought he would. Something as simple as holding her hand while walking through camp makes his heart leap with joy. The way she already turns to him for safety when something scares or bothers her has him biting back tears of happiness.

And then there’s Nico, and the sight of him with Abigail. There was a late night a few years ago when Will asked Nico about one day having kids. Back then Nico didn’t shoot down the idea exactly, but he did very clearly state that he didn’t think he was ready then. Even last Sunday, when they first got the call from Chiron, Nico hadn’t been readily on board the idea from the start. There had been a long discussion, and some raised voices, and one silence a little too long for Will’s liking, but in the end they had agreed to come meet the girl before deciding anything further.

And now here they were. Will had watched all day as Nico had instructed Abigail with gentle words and firm hands as they worked on a flower crown. How Nico’s whole face softened as soon as Abigail was around. How Nico, even if he was scared shitless at the idea of suddenly becoming a parent, turned into a pro and cradled Abigail in his arms as soon as she fell asleep on them during camp fire, covering her form with his jacket and rocking her back and forth if she was about to stir awake.

It makes Will’s heart melt, seeing all that. Even if its just been that one day all three of them, Will can already see the future they can build. True, Will is still in school, and Nico’s pay check from the gallery isn’t going to support all of them in the long run. But Will is almost done and as soon as he gets a full time job it’ll be okay. And Chiron mentioned that there would be an allowance for them, should they decide to take Abigail in, plus the government issued child support. It isn’t like they would end up on the streets within a year.

In the quiet, Nico leans his head on Will’s shoulder and laces their fingers together. They watch as Abigail shifts in her sleep and buries her face further into the pillow, and Will’s hear beats so loudly in his chest that he’s afraid it’ll wake her up.

Will drops a kiss to the crown of Nico’s head, and Nico whispers, ”We’re going to be needing a bigger apartment.”


	8. consanguinity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ****  
> _consanguinity  
> _
> 
> _(n.) close relationship or connection_

**_consanguinity  
_ ** _(n.) close relationship or connection_

* * *

It’s a nightmare that wakes Nico, gasping for air with cold sweat dripping down his neck as he sits up. It takes a minute to calm his breathing, and another until his heartbeat is even close to normal, and by then Nico has started to blink back tears he doesn’t want to shed.

Will hasn’t woken up. Nico doesn’t know if he’s glad about this or not; on one hand, Will has been working long days in the infirmary, but on the other he’s very good company when sleep evades Nico. Nico has half a mind to shake Will awake right then, just to have something else to think about but the nightmare, but decides against it. Will needs his sleep.

Nico sits on the bed, turned a little so that he can look at Will in the dark. The sun is barely starting to rise, so it can’t be much more than four yet. Will, somehow, has half of his face buried under his pillow, and the blanket has slided down to his hips, leaving his chest bare and exposed to the chill. Will doesn’t seem to mind, and Nico envies how he’s naturally warmer than him. Nico is almost shivering in Will’s flannel and knitted socks.

The nightmare comes back in full force and Nico draws his knees to his chest. He has nightmares often, just like any demigod, but not all of them shake him like this. Nico doesn’t know if it’s the cruel way Will was taken away from him in the dream, or the fact that Nico wasn’t able to stop it from happening. Whatever it is, it makes Nico unable to look away from Will, possibly from fear of blinking and seeing Will actually gone. Shaking a little, Nico reaches out one hand and slides it on Will’s skin until his palm rests over a beating heart, and Nico can finally relax. Just a little, but relax none the less.

Perhaps it’s strange, sitting there in the early morning and watching over his boyfriend’s sleep. Nico doesn’t particularly care. Demigod lives are strange on their own, what’s a little more. And really, after a dream like that, and an untimely death being much more of a possibility to them than to mortals, how can anyone blame Nico for wanting to make sure Will is safe?

Nico only notices he’s pressing his fingertips into Will’s chest when Will shifts and opens his eyes, his face quickly morphing into a look of concern when he catches Nico’s eyes.

”Hey”, Will breathes, his quiet voice echoing in the cabin, and he covers Nico’s hand with his own. ”What’s up?”

Nico takes a minute to compose himself. He appreciates that Will waits for him to talk, rather that asking again. He lets his eyes wander across Will’s face, lingering on every freckle, pausing on his eyes and the corner of his mouth. Will is so very beautiful, and Nico knows that knowing Will like he does, so thoroughly and intimately, makes him even more beautiful. Nico’s heart throbs.

”Nightmare”, is how Nico decides to gloss over the subject, only going into details when his eyes water again without permission. ”I just”, he blinks furiously, not letting a single tear fall, ”I love you so much, and I would die for you in a second, and that scares the hell out of me.”

Nico is aware that he hasn’t said it before. That Will knows for a fact that Nico loves him, but they haven’t said it in so many words yet. There has been no need, and anyway the words haven’t seemed like enough. But Nico doesn’t regret saying it now. He knows that Will hears the words for what they are, so much more than Hollywood declarations, everything at once. He knows that Will is going to focus on what’s the matter here, what really bothers Nico, and not on three words that go without saying anyway.

Will takes the hand Nico still has on his chest and lifts it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on his knuckles. ”I know”, he whispers. It could be anything; _I know you love me_ ; _I know you’d die for me_ ; _I know you’re scared_. It’s probably all of that. Will tugs on Nico’s hand, encouraging him to lie back down in the bed. ”I’m scared too.”

To Nico, laying his head down on Will’s chest is even better than holding a hand there. This way he can hear and feel Will’s heartbeat more intensely, right next to his ear, and Nico closes his eyes with a relieved sigh. Will is here, Will is alive, Will isn’t going anywhere. It shouldn’t need repeating, it usually doesn’t, but for some reason the nightmare has shaken Nico bad. He needs this. He needs Will’s arms around him, and the thumping heart against his ear, and the legs that tangle with his until he’s warm enough to kick the knitted socks off.

”I love you.” Nico has said it once now, and he can’t stop. ”I love you.” Maybe later, when the morning has come properly and the shadows don’t seem as deep anymore, maybe then it won’t feel as urgent. But right now Nico needs to say it, needs to make sure that Will hears him loud and clear. ”I love you.”

Nico can feel Will pressing his face to his hair. ”I know.” It’s not arrogant, not like Nico thinks it could be. It’s soft and warm and reassuring, and a lone tear slips down from the corner of Nico’s eye to Will’s chest. ”I know, and I love you.”


	9. surreptitiously

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**surreptitiously** _   
>  _(adv.) in a way that attempts to avoid notice or attention_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, if you can't tell, this happens almost right after chapter 6: basorexia. Beware of references.

**_surreptitiously  
_ ** _(adv.) in a way that attempts to avoid notice or attention_

* * *

”I’m going to kiss you now”, Will says, and his hand itches a little closer, like he wants to really hold Nico’s hand but doesn’t quite know if that’d be okay.

The thing is, Nico likes holding Will’s hand. _Really_ likes it. Will’s hands are warm and firm, and even when they’re sweaty and gross and when they tremble because he’s just as nervous as Nico, it still makes skeletal butterflies flutter in Nico’s belly. If Nico could, he probably would be holding Will’s hand all the time throughout the day.

However, Nico also knows he still lacks the courage to do so. This whole – whatever this is, with Will, it’s so new; Nico has barely had time to register that somehow, for some reason, Will Solace actually likes him back. It’s exciting and confusing and terrifying, and on top of all that Nico is still struggling to understand here, in this time and in this camp, it’s okay for people like him to just be themselves. It’s great, of course, but Nico still feels like he’s being tricked, that if he shows too much affection to someone (Will) the ground will open and swallow him and he’ll never see the sun again.

Realistically, Nico knows that won’t happen. Still, it doesn’t hurt to play it safe for now.

They’re alone now, though. Nico stopped by the infirmary after dinner and offered to walk Will to the amphitheater for the camp fire, which then turned into skipping the sing along and walking around the lake while talking about their families and (in Will’s case, anyway) what they want to do when if they eventually get to go to a regular school and graduate. Nico says Will is going to be an amazing doctor, and Will smiles brightly and promises that he’ll help Nico cram if he decides he wants to go to high school.

They’re alone, Nico realizes, and this might be the first time since their first kiss in the clearing in the woods that they’re really, completely by themselves. And Will wants to hold Nico’s hand, and Nico wants that, too, so Nico reaches for those two extra inches and links their fingers together shyly, feeling his whole face heat up.

The lake isn’t that big. They’ve already walked around it twice. Nico isn’t sure he’ll be able to convince Will into going for a third round, so it’s a good thing they’ve stopped by a big rock a little ways away from everything.

Nico bites his lip, then gathers all his courage and looks Will in the eyes. ”Okay.”

Unlike holding hands, kissing is all kinds of terrifying. Nico has had one kiss in his life, and that barely even counts as it lasted less than a second and Will didn’t even really move his lips (Nico is fairly sure you’re supposed to move your lips while kissing). As things are, Nico can’t really give an informed opinion on kissing in general, but he does know that, that first time two weeks ago, his lips tingled for hours afterwards. In the best way.

Nico has to remind himself to keep breathing when Will leans closer to kiss him. For some reason, this second kiss feels like a much bigger deal than the first. Nico didn’t really even think about it when he kissed Will in that clearing, he just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. But this? This is awfully deliberate. Will _literally_ just said that he’s going to kiss Nico, that he absolutely one hundred per cent intends to do so when their lips meet and Nico can feel Will sigh softly.

As it is, Nico doesn’t have many expectations when it comes to kissing. What he gets is a touch of lips only a little more demanding than his own were that first time. He gets Will’s whole body so close to his that they’re practically touching everywhere. He gets five seconds of utter bliss, in which Will does actually move his lips, just a little, and Nico tries to copy him, not knowing if he’s doing a good job or not. He hopes that he his because it turns out that he likes kissing almost as much as he likes holding hands.

When Will leans back, he doesn’t go far. Just far enough so that when Nico looks at him he can see him properly and not be cross eyed. Nico doesn’t know if it’s the kiss or the sunset, but Will’s whole face is red, and it contrasts nicely with his hair and his eyes and _oh_ , Nico really likes him. The butterflies are back on full force, and Nico feels a little dizzy when he watches Will lick his lips.

It’s probably some sort of self-protection instinct, Nico thinks later, that he lifts the corner of his mouth into a half-smirk and asks, ”Dope?” After all, he has to establish some power over Will in turn. It’d be horribly unfair if Will and his ridiculously handsome face had all the power in this relationship. Nico has to do _something_.

Will’s face turns a deeper shade of red, and this time Nico knows it’s not the sunset. ”Shut up”, Will says, then leans in to kiss Nico again.


	10. noctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **noctuary**  
>  (n.) the record of a single night's events, thoughts, or dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back! i'm sorry it has taken me so long, i moved two times and then started college again, and now that it's fall break i finally had the chance and energy to review what i had last written down. i had this chapter almost done, so it was rather painless to get this out, but i also promise to try and give you another new one before the break is over!
> 
> this chapter takes place soon after _quatervois_ , as you will quickly notice.

**_noctuary_ **

_(n.) the record of a single night’s events, thoughts, or dreams_

* * *

Will calls the kitten Dog. Nico keeps saying she needs a proper name, but so far, they haven’t been able to agree on anything. He’s a little afraid that she’s starting to recognize Dog as her name. It has been a week, and she’s spending increasingly more time with Will. (Nico is not jealous.)

It’s Nico’s turn to cook, tonight. It’s not like he doesn’t do this every Sunday, anyway, because two years ago they decided that Sundays nights are Home Dates, which then turned into Dinner Dates, and it is simply better to keep Will away from the kitchen when preparing anything more complex than mac n cheese. But Nico likes to cook, and Will is more than happy to clean up later, so he doesn’t mind.

What Nico _does_ mind, however, is that he needs to keep his eyes on the stew and so he can’t keep staring at Will. It has been a week since Dog came into their lives, and Nico is still convinced that Will with a kitten is the most wonderful thing that has ever existed. Dog has gained a lot of strength, and she keeps climbing up the sleeve of Will’s jeans when he sits on the couch, and once in his lap she curls up against his hip into the smallest little ball of fluff. And Will absently strokes her fur while going through his lecture notes, being careful to move her on his chest when he lies down against the cushions, and every time Nico sneaks a peek over his shoulder his heart melts.

Nico sets the pot on the side table and cranes his neck to check on the potatoes. He can hear Will whispering to Dog, and he _really_ wants to turn around and look, but he did that less than a minute ago, and no matter how engaged they are he’s _not_ going to be that pathetic.

Engaged. The word gives Nico a start.

It’s weird, really. They haven’t brought it up since the day Nico found Dog, not really. And yet it feels like there’s no question about it; Nico and Will _are_ engaged, and they _will_ get married. Eventually. It’s in the way Will hugs Nico tight at night, holding his hand and whispering how happy he is that he gets to have this _forever_. It’s in the smile Nico reserves just for Will when they meet again after a long day of work and classes. It’s in the way Nico has been working his brain to figure out a way to get Will’s ring size without Will noticing.

”Silly girl, you’re going to fall off the couch if you go that way.”

Nico turns to look just in time to see Will pick Dog up and move her to the crook of his neck, away from the edge of the couch. She curls up there, and Nico can hear her still uneven and experimental purring all the way to the kitchen.

Who says you have to buy the ring by yourself, anyway? Nico turns back to his potatoes and frowns when he pokes them with a fork. Wouldn’t it make more sense to go together? Nico supposes there is tradition involved, as well as the element of surprise and various other reasons, but none of those things are important in their case. At least Nico doesn’t think so. Would Will want to come with? Or would he prefer for Nico to surprise him? But what if Nico gets him a ring that he doesn’t like, and he’ll be stuck with that for the rest of his life?

Nico supposes he _could_ ask his father if he could have his mother’s ring. Maybe Will would like that? It’d have history, and it’s probably worth ten times the sum Nico is going to be able to pay for a new ring right now. _But then again_ , Nico thinks as he sets the table and steals a quick look at Will who has returned to his reading, _maybe it’ll be bad luck_. Nico’s mother wasn’t exactly happy. Giving her ring to Will might be sentimental, but is Nico really willing to risk it?

(In the back of his head, Nico knows he is being superstitious. It’s a little ridiculous. But with a decision this big, with it affecting not only his own life but Will’s, too, he thinks he’s allowed to be a little ridiculous. Just this once.)

By the time Nico takes the potatoes off the stove he’s somewhat decided what to do, but he still manages to surprise himself when he asks, “Would you like to go ring shopping this week?”

As soon as the words are out of Nico’s mind he freezes, his back still turned so he doesn’t see Will’s reaction. All Nico can hear is the sound of waves in his ears, which he remembers Will has said connects to experiencing a slight panic attack. His hands are clammy where he grips the counter tightly, and when he tries to swallow it feels like something is blocking his throat.

Nico’s mind is running full speed. Is he getting ahead of himself? Does Will even remember the conversation they had when he first brought Dog home? What if he doesn’t and Nico has been making all these plans and Will doesn’t even want them to get married, even in the distant future? Rationally, Nico knows these are all ridiculous thoughts. He knows Will better than to believe the accusations his brain keeps feeding him. Nico _knows_ Will, and he knows they’re more or less on the same page about this. But what of they aren’t?

“Breathe, Nico.” A warm palm placed to Nico’s back helps him ground himself, and Nico takes a deep breath. It’s shaky, but the second one is already a bit easier. “That’s it. Just keep breathing. You’re doing great.”

Nico sometimes wonders why Will never got interested in psychology. He’d be an amazing therapist. But then again, maybe he doesn’t want to have to deal with patients when he already has an anxious boyfriend needing his help and support.

When Nico feels like he’s calmed back down enough to not start spiraling again, he keeps his eyes closed and leans back, knowing Will is going to be there to hold him. Will’s arms come around him to pull him closer, and Nico places one hand on Will’s forearm as a thank you.

“You do know that there’s no rush, right?” Will speaks softly to Nico’s hair, and Nico feels a little stupid about panicking at all. This is _Will_. He has nothing to worry about. “I want to marry you, but I don’t want it to make you feel terrible. I’m a little scared, too. We don’t have to make any kind of decisions yet if we don’t want to.”

Nico cradles Will’s arms to his chest in some kind of a weird hug, stroking a small patch of warm skin with the pad of his thumb. He absently wonders where Dog is, but he knows that Will wouldn’t have just abandoned her anywhere where she could hurt herself. Will is warm and familiar, and Nico turns his head to bury his nose to Will’s cheek. He smells like aftershave.

“Okay”, Nico says. He wants to tell Will that the thought of marriage doesn’t make him feel terrible, but his throat still feels a little raw. He breathes slowly in and out a few more times, taking in the different nuances in Will’s aftershave and wondering if there will ever come a day that Will will get tired of comforting him. “I still want to buy you a ring, though.”

Without opening his eyes, Nico feels Will smile. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i would like to add that this chapter is dedicated to jasmine.)


	11. susurrus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **susurrus**  
>  (n.) a low soft sound, as of whispering or muttering or a quiet wind; a whisper or a rustling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i told you i'd get you another one, and two days before the fall break is over even!
> 
> (i'm also aware that a good number of these chapters have sleeping dorks. i am not ashamed. sleepy dorks are soft dorks.)

**_susurrus  
_ ** _(n.) a low soft sound, as of whispering or muttering or a quiet wind; a whisper or a rustling_

* * *

When Nico falls asleep, he’s quiet. It’s something Will finds endlessly fascinating, because most of the people he’s shared a room with during his years at camp are loud sleepers. Maybe the children of Apollo are just loud in general, or maybe Nico is just quiet, Will doesn’t know, but it’s a marvel all the same.

Will remembers the first time Nico fell asleep on him. They had barely been together for a month, but Nico was growing more and more comfortable with Will as the days passed, even if he still got reversed around others. Will had taken Nico to the clearing where they had shared their first kiss, as an attempt at being a subtle kind of romantic, but Nico had been suffering from nightmares all week and was so sleep deprived he fell asleep as soon as they laid down in the grass.

But Will can’t remember minding one little bit. Nico had been peaceful, and so so quiet – not that Nico was loud while he was awake, either. But there was something quite different with Nico trusting him enough to let his guard down so completely that had Will’s heart melting in the spot.

Of course, Will has since witnessed Nico’s sleep so many times that one could say it’s a norm by now. But no matter how much of a norm and a constant it becomes, it doesn’t stop Will from finding endless joy in watching Nico sleep.

(Not in a creepy way. Will has read Twilight. He aspires to be many things that Edward Cullen is not. _Alive_ being one of them, _not creepy_ another.)

Will has also learned that Nico wasn’t trusting him perfectly, yet, that first time in the clearing, even though there was an insane amount of trust. He has learned that when Nico falls asleep, he’s quiet, yes. But when Nico _is_ asleep, dreaming deeply, his body void of tension and his whole self finally relaxed, he’s not quite as quiet anymore. He’s not loud, of course not, he’s _Nico_. But when he’s fast asleep, when he feels safe, when he doesn’t have nightmares or huge amounts of stress, Nico talks.

It’s a soft little mumbling, or rather a whisper. Word spoken into the pillow or the back of Will’s shirt so softly that the first few times Will mistakes it to the air vents. He usually falls asleep before Nico, who is a total night owl, so he doesn’t witness these moments that often. He’d lie awake and wonder if there was dust in the vents, or if they had left the window cracked. Eventually Will would just turn on his other side and bury his face into Nico’s hair, deciding to think about it in the morning.

It isn’t until Will clearly hears his name that he realizes the sound comes from Nico.

Or not even that clearly, really. There is the low his again, for a while, but Will thinks nothing of it as he leans against the bed frame and reads. Nico is asleep, nightmares having kept him awake for the better part of the week, now finally finding rest with Will’s fingers slowly carding through his hair. Will would like to sleep, too, but he really needs to study for a little while longer if he intends to get into any college with a medical program this year. So he sits and reads, and every time he turns a page he spares a quick look at Nico next to him, wondering if he’s ever get used to the sight.

And then, there it is. Just as Will has turned back to his book and starting a new page with a promise to himself that it’ll be the last one tonight. What he hears is barely anything, just one syllable, but now it’s finally clear that the sound is coming from Nico. There’s no other explanation why Will would hear his own name whispered in the otherwise quiet cabin.

Then Will hears it again and turns to look at Nico. Nico has slowly inched closer in his sleep, and now his face is almost buried to Will’s hip. One of his hands is under the pillow, the other gripping the sheets under his chin, keeping him cocooned in the duvet. He looks peaceful, serene, and at first Will is almost convinced he had imagined the sound, but then Nico’s lips part.

“Will.”

Nico doesn’t say anything else. Just Will’s name a few more times in the next fifteen, twenty minutes, and Will is mesmerized. He has no idea what Nico is dreaming about, if it’s a good dream or a neutral dream or if it’s one of those demigod prophecy dreams, but whatever it is, Will seems to be a part of it. There’s nothing that could have prepared Will to the information that he is somehow a part of his boyfriend’s dream. It makes Will’s heart squeeze – in a good way.

(It’s not like Will hasn’t had his fair share of dreams involving Nico. He’s sure he’s even mentioned Nico’s name in his sleep, and that Austin is going to use that information as for blackmailing some day in the future. But it’s not the same thing. Will has always been more vocal with his feelings. Nico is so verbally reserved, trusting his actions more than words, that this feels like a huge deal.)

Will really really _really_ wants to take some video footage just so he can remember this moment forever and ever. He wants to have this feeling carved in his heart, wants to hold on to the sight of Nico until he can’t see anything else anymore. But he also knows that Nico would be _so_ embarrassed to know he’s talking in his sleep, that he’ll probably refuse to let Will sleep in cabin thirteen for at least a week. So Will just admires Nico, strokes his hair and loves the quiet sigh that gets him, and thinks that he is incredibly lucky in so many ways.


	12. aquiver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **aquiver**  
>  (adj.) quivering, trembling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little less fluffy, perhaps. sorry about that. 
> 
> as you can probably tell, this takes place furthest away in the future so far. hope you like it.

**_aquiver  
_ ** _(adj.) quivering, trembling_

* * *

There are many things in life that are easy. Like breathing, for example. Breathing is easy, it comes naturally to people, most of the time it doesn’t require any additional thought. To Will, breathing is only hard when he wakes up in the morning and finds out Nico has brought him breakfast in bed. Or when Abigail first called him dad – that was a major one. Will knows Nico had difficulty breathing that time, too. But yes, most of the time breathing is easy.

Falling in love is easy. People fall in love all the time. Will has fallen in love three times today alone, and it’s not quite 3 PM yet. He falls in love with Nico every time he opens his eyes in the morning and Nico’s face is the first thing he sees. He falls in love with every first touch of every day, be it on his lips or the back of his hand. Will has fallen in love with Abigail this morning when she showed him her homework, a multicolored painting of her family, with herself in a blue dress in the middle holding hands with both Nico and Will. Falling in love is terrifyingly easy when you let yourself go, and Will is still learning how to not be afraid of that.

Doing laundry. Cooking and meal prepping. Opening the front door while carrying three bags of groceries and trying to make sure the cat doesn’t slip past his feet into the hallway. All of those are things that, after a little practice, are easy. Will can do all of that and more with little thought, nowadays, and it’s nothing special. So many things in life are so easy, and it’s only logical that some things are not.

Losing a family member, for example, is definitely not easy.

Will had just come home when his mother had reached him through an Iris Message. He had been aware that his grandmother hasn’t been well for quite some time, but he had always thought that they would still have time. Will and Nico had been planning on going to Texas on a weekend trip with Abigail, to give Grandma a chance to meet her and get to know her in case something happens, but now they’re too late.

After interning at the hospital for three years and working at the Camp Half-Blood infirmary through several wars Will is quite practiced in dealing with loss. He’s lost two brothers close to him. He’s comforted people through loss and been the one being comforted. He’s seen both sides, and you’d think at some point it stops hurting this much. But, as Will finds out leaning back on the couch and closing his eyes, it never seems to. It hits him in the face every time, leaving him helpless and his chest hurting like someone carved a piece out of it with a fork.

All Will can hear is a static in his ears, so it takes Abigail running into his legs for him to notice she and Nico are home already. He must have lost track of time.

“Daddy we bought pizza!” Abigail is saying when Will opens his eyes, looking at him with such bright eyes and wide smile Will really feels like crying. His grandmother will never get to know Abigail. “Papà says it’s his time to cook but he’s _lazy_!”

Will needs to say something. He knows this. He needs to express his astonishment, greet Abigail and welcome her home, do _something_ other than look apathetic and distracted when a four-year-old child demands his attention. But all Will can manage is a smile that feels too tight on his lips before he can feel his hand trembling where he tries to hold it up for a hug.

“Daddy?”

Will can feel the burning behind his eyes and hopes with all he’s got that he won’t break down in front of Abigail. He takes in a shaky breath and leans forward to kiss Abigail on the forehead.

“Being lazy every now and then doesn’t hurt”, he says, sounding exhausted even to his own ears, feeling like he’s stretched to his limits already. “Now, how about you go play for a little while longer, we will call you in once we’ve set the table. Deal?”

Abigail is four years old, so she doesn’t spare a second thought to the odd sound of Will’s voice before running off to her room. Nico, on the other hand, hears it when he walks to the living room after presumably bringing the pizza boxes to the kitchen. And Nico knows Will inside and out, knows what Will sounds like when he’s happy or tired or excited or nervous, and it may have been a while but Will knows that Nico knows what he sounds like when he’s falling apart, too.

“Will?” Nico’s voice is soft and concerned, and now that Will knows Abigail can’t see him Will lets his eyes fall closed again. “Will, what’s going on?” Without saying anything yet, Will holds out a hand in an invitation for Nico to come closer. And Nico does, stepping to the space between Will’s feet and framing his face with his hands, forcing Will to open his eyes and look at Nico properly. Will can feel his lower lip quivering when Nico presses their foreheads together. “Talk to me, Will.”

The first tear falls down Will’s cheek, and Nico wipes it away with the pad of his thumb. “Grandma is dead.”

Saying it out loud seems to do the trick, as Will feels himself falling forward until his face is buried in the front of Nico’s shirt. His shoulders shake and he tries to swallow his sobs but knows he’s not very successful when he feels Nico’s hands petting his hair and stroking his back soothingly. Will wraps his arms around Nico’s waist, silently asking him to stay close, and then he cries.

Grandma was the one who told Will all the stories about his dad when he was a little kid. She was the one who looked after him when his mother was touring with her band, the one who he could count on sitting in the audience in every school play. When Will went to Camp Half-Blood and eventually became a full time camper, Grandma sent him letters every two weeks, only stopping once her hands became too week to hold a pen. Before Nico, she was his best friend, the one he trusted the most, and now she is gone from this world and Will is never going to hear her voice again.

Nico has met Grandma once. Will almost smiles at the memory through his tears. Nico had been so nervous, it had been the longest trip outside of camp they had taken since the war against Gaea, and Nico had been so sure Will’s mortal family wouldn’t like him. _I’m the child of death_ , Will, he had said, _it’s not like people feel the tiniest bit comfortable around me. How am I supposed to make a good impression on people who probably already want to get as far away from me as possible?_

 _It’s going to be just fine_ , Will had replied, taking Nico’s hand. _Mom and Grandma love me, and I love you, so they’ll love you. It’s as simple as that._

And it had been. Will’s mother had doted on Nico the second they stepped in, and all Grandma wanted to know about Nico’s father was whether that was where Nico’s good looks came from. Will’s family had stuffed them with food and made sure they got enough rest, and by the end of the weekend Grandma had given Nico his own box full of sugar cookies.

Nico had been looking forward to visiting them again, Will knows. So it doesn’t surprise him that Nico is shaking a little, too, while holding Will close to his chest. Nico doesn’t say anything, just holds Will and presses soft kisses to the top of his head, and little by little Will calms down.

It hurts. It will hurt a while. Will wipes his face with the tissue Nico hands him, smiles his thanks and silently promises to hold Nico extra tightly tonight after they go to bed. But for now Will gets up from the couch and serves their daughter pizza for dinner, hoping with all his heart that he’ll meet Grandma again in Elysium.


	13. cafuné

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **cafuné**  
>  (n.) running your fingers through the hair of someone you love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i'm having an incredibly productive fall what the hell)
> 
> i needed some fluffiness after the last chapter. hope you do too, because that's what you get.
> 
> Jasmine, this one's for you, once again.

**_cafuné  
_ ** _(_ _n.) running your fingers through the hair of someone you love_

* * *

Nico hasn’t gotten all the hype about summer before. It’s just another season, and besides, his father tends to be a little more irritable when his wife is away, so there’s that. Summer is hot, there are bees, and people think it’s acceptable to wear next to no clothes, and that makes Nico very uncomfortable. And from what Nico has understood about Camp Half-Blood, most everyone will be back for the summer, which means less opportunities for Nico to hide away and be antisocial.

It doesn’t help that Jason and Piper are coming back from California. For the whole summer. Meaning that even if Will would somehow let Nico be from time to time, Jason certainly won’t.

(Nico will never admit that a small part of him has missed Jason. Nope. Over his dead body, and even then he’ll fight back.)

But late spring is an entirely different story. Late spring is warm and giddy, the nature still a little bit sleepy from the long winter but more than ready to bloom any day. Nico has grown to enjoy the sound of this certain bird singing outside his cabin window in the mornings, despite how many times he complains about it to Will. (Will has borrowed books from the Athena cabin library and tried to identify the bird, but so far he hasn’t been successful.) Spring means endless check ups with the armory and the supply closet in the infirmary, it means the anticipation in the air growing so tangible even Nico feels himself counting the days to the first day of summer.

Spring also means the ground isn’t frozen anymore. It means Nico doesn’t tremble with cold when he sits on the ground in the clearing in the woods. It doesn’t mean, though, that he doesn’t appreciate Will using him as a pillow, providing a solid warm presence in his lap.

“I can’t wait for the flowers to bloom”, Will says, smiling up at Nico and taking his hand in his own. “You promised to teach me how to make flower crowns, yet you never did.”

The memory makes Nico blush. He can’t believe it’s been less than a year since the war against Gaea, since he promised Will he’d stay in camp. And yet so much has happened since then. It almost makes Nico make a face, thinking about how he wouldn’t even touch Will at first, trying to avoid him while at the same time he wanted to get to know him. That internal conflict is something Nico still hasn’t really told Will about; not in the fear that Will would think it weird or use it against Nico, but more in lingering embarrassment. But Nico is trying, and he thinks he’s now better at opening up to Will.

And Nico doesn’t shy away from touch, anymore. Not from Will, anyway. Will knows Nico still doesn’t feel comfortable with excessive displays of affection when other people are around, so he doesn’t initiate them during dinner or in the full infirmary or in counselor meetings. But when they’re by themselves, or with their closer friends, Nico doesn’t mind Will holding his hand or leaning into him or kissing him when someone can see.

They’re alone, now. Will has bribed Kayla into taking his shift in the infirmary to enjoy the sunny afternoon with Nico, and Nico simply didn’t go to the stables. One of the perks of being the only son of Hades.

There’s something about spring that makes Nico want to spend more and more time alone with Will. Maybe it’s the way he’s growing more comfortable with the affection. Maybe it’s the new way the light shines on Will’s hair and makes it glow like it’s made of real gold. Whatever it is, Nico tries to suppress a smile as he uses his free hand to flick Will’s nose and brush his hair out of his eyes.

“I doubt you’d be patient enough”, Nico teases. That’s another thing; there’s no way he would have been able to tease Will like this, not even four months ago. “Flowers are delicate, you know. Learning to handle them takes time.”

(Or maybe it takes time only for Nico. He had to practice constantly to even sit on the ground without killing all the grass. That’s another thing Nico has been very insecure about, but he trusts Will enough not to dig into it.

And Will doesn’t.)

“I’m plenty patient!” Will exclaims, then gives Nico a wicked grin. “I was patient with you, wasn’t I?”

Blushing even deeper, Nico can’t deny that. Although he wouldn’t call pestering him to eat and socialize and spend time outside his cabin being _patient_ , Will _had_ waited for a long time before Nico had been open enough to actually talk to Will, let alone talk about _feelings_. And Nico is incredibly thankful for Will about all that, because there’s no way they’d ever have gotten this far if it had been up to Nico.

Nico doesn’t answer Will verbally, but he does let out a small chuckle and a smile, and Will looks pleased when he closes his eyes and squeezes Nico’s fingers. Nico really likes the way they can so easily be together; just exist in the same space, enjoy the easy closeness. They don’t have to talk, both of them don’t even have to be awake, and Nico is sure Will is going to fall asleep in the next fifteen minutes. Nico really likes the flutter in his chest.

Nico’s free hand is still hovering near Will’s head, and he slowly moves it to card his fingers through Will’s hair. It’s not something he’s done many times before, but he has found that Will’s reaction to such affection is absolutely precious. Will lets out a soft sound of surprise, but instead of making Nico retreat his hand he leans into it, chasing after the touch like a cat being petted. It’s both hilarious and adorable, and Nico’s heart squeezes inside his chest. He would never have imagined he’d be here one day, not so soon after the Giant war and everything that came before it.

Will’s hair is not soft, not like people say hair is soft. It’s a little rough, and it gets tangled easily, so Nico has to be gentle when he opens up the small knots without hurting Will. Will has never said anything about it, but every time when Nico is done he gives him this soft, thankful look that makes Nico’s knees weak. Sometimes Nico lets himself wonder what Will would look like if he let his hair grow just a tad longer, so that Nico could plait flowers in it, just like Bianca had done when they were little. Maybe one day Nico has the courage to suggest it, but not yet.

Will is beautiful like this, Nico thinks. He’s not brave enough to say so, but he can allow himself to think it as much as he likes. With Will’s eyes closed, Nico can stare at him without getting caught, he can count all the freckles on the bridge of his nose and the shades of color in his hair. Nico can trace the curve of Will’s lips with his eyes and smile when he thinks about what they feel like against his own, and he can see the thin scar that goes from under Will’s left ear up near the corner of his eye, shining silver in the sun light. Will hasn’t told Nico where he got it, yet, but Nico hasn’t shared the stories behind all of his own scars, either.

They have time. That’s what Nico is starting to understand. He has time with Will, now that there are no great prophesies in action and he is permanently residing in camp. Will has talked about wanting to take some courses online so he can apply to a college someday, but that won’t be in a few years still. They have time to learn everything about each other, to grow insanely more comfortable, and while that scares Nico a little, it excites him more.

Maybe that’s the thought that makes Nico dip down and give Will a soft, lingering kiss. Maybe it’s something else. Whatever it is, when he straightens his back again Will opens his eyes and looks up at him with a mix of happiness and confusion.

“What was that for?” he asks, his voice low and amused.

Nico smirks. “Nothing. You’re just cute.”

The blush that spreads on Will’s cheeks is worth the embarrassing comment.


	14. agastopia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **agastopia**  
>  (n.) an admiration of a particular part of someone’s body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hox! please note the bump in the rating. 
> 
> guess who reached 50k in nanowrimo! celebrate with me by reading this chapter and leaving kudos and a comment.

**_agastopia_ **    
_(n.) an admiration of a particular part of someone’s body_  

* * *

Will has yet to find a better place to be than on his back on Nico’s bed, trapped under Nico; caged between his arms and held in place by his hips. Nico is rather small, his body probably still growing a little in height and his limbs long and almost fragile, but he’s not delicate. There’s a wonderful strength in Nico’s arms and legs that Will enjoyed maybe a little too much when Nico turned them around on the bed a little while ago, and Will isn’t even struggling against Nico’s hold on him. Why would he, when Nico’s lips are nice and warm against his, and Nico’s hands travel fast and curious on his hair and neck and chest.  

It’s a rather new position to be in, Will thinks, Nico having grown a little bolder in the past few months and the two of them having started to sneak around a little more to find privacy. Nothing too scandalous is happening, of course; Will isn’t sure he could handle it just yet, and he knows Nico wouldn’t be. So far all that’s happened is Will has been caught sneaking out of the Hades cabin without his shirt, but that kind of thing happens all the time in Camp Half-Blood. Will is pretty sure the Hermes cabin has a memory wall. 

Nico’s kisses are always soft. That’s what Will loves about Nico – he can be on top of Will, kissing down his neck and making Will an absolute mess, but the kisses are still soft and curious and a little experimental. By now, Will wouldn’t call Nico a beginner when it comes to kissing, but there are still a lot of things they are yet to try, and lately Nico has been closing in on the edges of uncharted territory. Will is a little excited when he thinks about things that are yet to come, but also scared, and he knows that there needs to be a few talks before that happens because that’s what responsible people do, even though it’s awkward.  

But this is very nice; Will can safely say that he likes it when Nico kisses him anywhere (even though he doesn’t yet have enough experience form, well, everywhere), and he’s brave enough to think that Nico likes it, too. Both kissing and being kissed. It’s Will who most of the time loses his shirt rather early on in their make outs, but Will doesn’t mind. 

This time, however, Will’s hands do a little wandering of their own. He’s been testing the waters, just like Nico has, and has learned that Nico doesn’t seem to mind Will’s hands on him, under his shirt. This gives Will the little encouragement he needs to slowly start peeling Nico’s shirt off, starting from the back. 

Nico has had such a positive reaction to everything else they have been doing thus far. He isn’t vocal, but he isn’t actually quiet, and on more than one occasion Nico has almost purred like a cat. This has led Will to believe they’re very much on the same wave length in these kinds of things, even given their different backgrounds. Maybe that’s why Nico’s reaction now confuses Will so much. 

The first thing Nico does is stop kissing Will. While unfortunate, this in itself isn’t really alarming, and it’s something Will can easily live with. Everyone needs a break sometimes. But then Nico leans back and sits up, and his arms pull back against his body, as if shielding himself from Will, and definitely keeping his shirt on. 

“I, uh – I'd rather not.”  

Nico’s voice is small and insecure. Gone is the bold boy who less than a minute ago was pinning Will down to the mattress to do with as he pleases.  

Will isn’t offended. How could he be? What he is, is confused. How is this such a big deal to Nico? Will can understand that it can be, he just doesn’t understand it in Nico’s case. 

“It’s okay if you want to keep your shirt on”, Will starts with. Partly because he’s playing time and his own thoughts are still a mess, but also because he thinks that’s an important point that Nico needs to understand. “I just want to understand. I mean, I am your doctor, so it’s not like I haven’t seen you shirtless before.” 

Will thinks it’s a valid point to make, but Nico closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Not like this, you haven’t.” 

When the understanding hits Will he feels like an idiot. He goes through the times he’s treated the now paling scars on Nico’s back, his arms, his chest. Nico has a lot of scars, and he doesn’t talk a lot about the battles he got them in. In general, Nico doesn’t like talking about what happened in the  _before_ , in the time when he couldn’t see a future in which he could be both happy and safe. (Will isn’t sure Nico can feel safe in camp even now, but it’s an ongoing process.) Will can understand that. 

Will can also understand the way Nico doesn’t want to look at the scars, or how he has almost flinched every time Will has so much as touched them. That’s actually quite common with the campers Will has treated that have multiple visible scars. In a camp full of literal demigods with good looks and incredible skill it’s easy to become insecure about things like this, and Nico has more scars than anyone Will has seen. 

It’s a little frustrating. What Will really wants is to show Nico that he doesn’t care. Like, of course he  _cares_ , the scars are a big part of who Nico is. But Will does not care about what they look like, because while they are a part of Nico, they don’t  _define_ him. Nico is so much more than the scars, he’s gentle and loving and intelligent, he has incredible ideas to improve the camp and he cares so deeply about other living creatures that it takes Will’s breath away sometimes. 

If only Will had the words to tell Nico all this. But even though they’ve been together for a while now, and Will is better with words than Nico is, he’s still not quite comfortable enough to voice these thoughts quite like this. 

Will takes Nico’s hand gently, making sure Nico knows he’s not pushing him. Nico fights back just a little, trying to keep his arms around himself for whatever reason his brain tells him it’s necessary, but in the end he caves and lets Will hold his hand. After a moment Nico leans forward, just enough so that the sides of their heads are touching. Will closes his eyes and sighs. 

“For what it’s worth”, Will says quietly, stroking the back of Nico’s hand with his thumb and hoping Nico would look at him, “I think you’re beautiful. Scars and all.” 

It’s not a cure. Will knows this is not something that will be easily fixed. It will take time and patience, and Will is sure it will get even more frustrating before it gets better. But Nico has already been through so much alone; Will can’t let him bear this on his own, too.


	15. zemblanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **zemblanity**  
>  (n.) the inevitable discovery of what we would rather not know; the opposite of serendipity

**_zemblanity_ **    
_(n.) the inevitable discovery of what we would rather not know; the opposite of serendipity_  

* * *

It isn’t until the dinner that Nico realizes Will is actually  _settling_ with him. 

It’s supposed to be an  _engagement dinner_ , because apparently that’s something people actually do, according to Will at least. They have invited a few of their friends from the camps but none of them could make it, so their only guests are their next door neighbors and one of Will’s friends from med school. Will has somehow managed to talk Nico into making pear panna cotta for dessert by promising he’ll be wearing the new white collared shirt with golden accents, the one that makes Will look ridiculously nice. Three hours later Nico finds himself seated across from Will through probably the longest dinner he’s ever had. 

“So, there’s one obvious question here”, says Camilla half way through her panna cotta while sipping white wine, and Nico barely resists the urge to roll his eyes. “When are you two getting a dog?” 

 _Right_ , Nico thinks,  _because there simply cannot be married bliss without a canine beast included_. It’s probably written in law somewhere. He’s about to say something sarcastic, as has been his way all through dinner, when Will beats him to a response. 

“Oh, we’re actually more cat people”, he says with a wave of his spoon. There’s something odd in his voice that no one else probably catches, but Nico prides himself in knowing Will better than anyone. “Well, Nico is, anyway. But I don’t mind, since I like both.” 

Nico looks down at his barely touched dessert and feels a sting in his chest. Of course. He feels so  _stupid_. He has always known Will to love dogs, at least as much as Nico loves cats.  _Of course_  Will would want a dog. Somehow Nico has forgotten all about it, what with suddenly having a new kitten and being engaged and all that jazz, but that’s no excuse. He can’t have Will  _settling_ for anything with him; in Nico’s opinion, Will deserves  _everything_ he could ever want. 

(Except for the Wii. One game console is more than enough, and they already have PlayStation4. That’s where Nico puts his foot down.) 

So if it’s a dog Will wants, then it’s a dog he gets, no matter how much Nico would rather stick with cats. Who knows, maybe Nico can actually learn to like dogs if they get one. 

Their guests leave eventually, and Nico closes the door behind them as Will already moves to clean up the dining table. Will has started humming, just like he almost always does when he does chores, and Nico stops by the dining room door, looking at Will and wanting to be as happy and carefree as him. But he isn’t. Even the sight of Will in that nice shirt and well fitting jeans isn’t enough to cheer him up. 

“You want a dog, don’t you?” 

Will looks up, looking surprised to hear it. Nico thinks he shouldn’t be surprised; it’s not fair for them both to be so clueless. “I mean, not really?” Will shrugs and continues to gather the dishes. Like that’s that. Nico isn’t sure it is. “We already have Dog. I’m very happy as it is.” 

Nico can’t let it go. He’s feeling anxious enough to even let it pass that Will has called their cat Dog. “But you  _want_ a dog.” 

It’s not a question anymore. Nico leans against the wall and almost feels like crying. He’s been such a bad boyfriend, such a bad fiancé. How could he not have noticed? Isn’t this the kind of thing people in relationships talk about? But no, what Nico did is he brought in a stray cat and didn’t even ask, and then just assumed Will was fine with it. 

(In his heart Nico knows that’s not quite how it went. He knows neither of them wanted to bring the little kitten to the shelter, he knows it was Will who finally insisted they keep her. That doesn’t matter, though. Nico has gotten it to his mind that he’s the worst possible partner for Will, and that’s all he’s ready to believe right now.) 

Will stops cleaning the table and comes to Nico. Nico refuses to look up even as Will takes his hands and stands so close that their toes are touching. Nico hates to be this weak. Will has said that it’s not weakness, it’s anxiety, and that they’re not the same thing. Nico has trouble believing him. 

“What I want”, Will says, and his voice sounds like it’s coming from far away. Nico blinks fast and swallows the lump in his throat but can’t look up to meet Will's eyes. “What I  _really_ want, is what we already have. This, with you. Having you here with me, and knowing there will be a new day tomorrow. That’s more than enough. Everything else is nice, too, but it’s extra.” 

Through his hazy mind, Nico can understand that what Will is saying is very romantic. That’s Will: caring and romantic to a fault. Nico doesn’t understand how someone like Will can stand being with someone as anxious and depressed and inadequate as Nico is. It will forever be a mystery to him. He isn’t sure he even wants to know the reasons. 

Will’s hand cups Nico’s cheek, slowly and gently, and Nico knows Will is trying to figure out if it’s okay to touch him like this. But Nico is pretty sire this is not an anxiety attack, not yet anyway, and he leans his head in on Will’s hand, seeking that warmth and comfort. He has never trusted anyone else with his anxiety like this; probably because he never had the words for what it was before Will came along. Will is so  _good_ , in more ways than one, and in this too. Nico doesn’t want to think where he would be if it wasn’t for Will. 

Nico lets Will guide his face up, finally, and looks quickly at Will’s eyes before dropping his gaze to Will’s cheeks.  

“Listen to me, Nico. I like dogs, yes, but I am happy as we are.” Nico has always liked the way Will's hand feels on his cheek. Will’s thumb strokes the curve of his cheek bone, and Nico almost wants to smile. “And besides, an apartment this small is  _not_ fit for two people, a cat  _and_ a dog. If the building of New Athens in camp ever starts, and if we get a house there, then we can talk about getting a dog again. But right now, I am perfectly happy.” Will bends down enough to look Nico in the eyes, and Nico can’t turn back this time. “Okay?” 

Nico still doesn’t believe Will doesn’t want a dog right now. Not quite. But he can see that Will is right; their place is way too small for another living thing. Even a kitten is pushing it, but there’s no way she is going to the shelter now. New Athens is a possibility they have been throwing around for a while now. Nico thinks, now more than ever, that that’s where their lives are taking them. 

He squeezes Will’s fingers weakly. “Okay.”


	16. serry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **serry**  
>  (v.) to crowd closely together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been months, my crops have died and my power has run out. but i'm back now! with a chapter! and it's family fluff! oh my god you have no idea how happy i am to have a new chapter ready for this after weeks and weeks crying over not having any inspiration to write anything...
> 
> anyway, here's another one, and as always, comments are much appreciated!

**_serry  
_ ** _(v.) to crowd closely together_

* * *

Growing up at Camp Half-Blood means that neither Nico nor Will has seen most of the children’s movies that Will’s friends at college say are classics. Nico can’t really say it bothers him that much, since the ones he _has_ seen have not been that good, and his AD-HD is so bad he has trouble sitting through a single episode of Friends, let alone a full length motion picture. He much rather listens to music, or goes on a run, or asks someone for a friendly spar at the sword fighting arena.

No matter how much Nico doesn’t care about not having seen those movies himself, though, he is totally on board when Will says he doesn’t want Abigail growing up missing all that. Abi should have everything she wants in life – within reason, of course. Nico had to put his foot down when Abi found out that Uncle Percy used to have a pet hell hound and she suddenly wanted one, too. (Will wasn’t a great help, pointing out that technically Nico was a co-owner of said hound.)

But this is simple. Their house in New Athens has a cozy living room with a fairly large TV – Will hosted a viewing for Super Bowl shortly after they moved in and everyone kept saying that they have a really nice screen. Nico doesn’t have much comparison so he just nodded along. And the Hephaestus cabin has made some very nice advancements since Nico lived at camp, and the entire town is properly monster proof, technology and all. So indulging on showing Abi some children’s movies that have been claimed as classic isn’t such a big of a deal.

Piper has given Abi a movie called Mulan as a sort of a moving in present, explaining that this one was her favorite one growing up. Nico overhears her telling Will all the stuff about how it may not be entirely accurate historically but how the main character is a great role model for little girls to be independent, showing them they can be just as strong as boys – even though, Piper says and Nico totally agrees, at this time and age it really should not be even a question anymore.

It’s a rainy day in late spring when Abigail bats her pretty brown eyes at him and says he wants to watch a movie. She had Dog in her arms, holding her in a way that can’t possibly be good for the animal, but Doesn’t seem to mind that much; she is a rather mellow cat.

Nico looks at the back cover of the DVD and frowns. It says the film is not suitable for children under eight. Nico highly doubts an animated movie meant for human children could possibly have anything that could traumatize a girl who likes to sit through Nico’s sword fighting class and cheer him on, but still. Abigail is barely four years old, and Nico hasn’t seen the movie so he can’t be entirely sure what it includes.

Putting the DVD in the player, Nico makes up his mind. ”Do you mind me watching it with you? Aunt Piper says it’s a really good one.”

Abigail looks like she has to consider the offer for a while, but then she solemnly nods and snuggles back against the couch pillows. She’s so tiny it looks like the couch is swallowing her. ”You can watch. Dog wants to watch, too.” Then she tilts her head a little. ”Do you think Daddy will be mad if we watch this without him?”

Will is out teaching some young new Apollo campers how to treat treat the flu properly, and according to Jason half the camp is currently sick in bed. When he left, Will said he wasn’t sure he’d be home in time for dinner. Nico seriously hopes he’s wrong. (And, well, Will has never been the best with time estimates, so the odds are in Nico’s favor.)

”I doubt it”, Nico says and sits down next to Abi. ”I think he’ll be grateful, actually, when he hears we watched it – because then we can tell him if it’s any good, and he can watch it another time with us.”

Abi nods and Nico wants to laugh. Convincing children is a lot easier than he had originally thought. He has no idea what had him so freaked out about being a parent in the first place.

”Wait!” Abi yells just as Nico is about to press the play-button on the remote, and dumps Dog unceremoniously in his lap before running off towards her room. Nico makes sure the cat is comfortable and waits for the few minutes until Abi is back, carrying her favorite stuffed animals with her. ”Penny and Sprinkles said they want to watch, too.”

Nico nods. ”Only fair to wait for them, then.” It takes a moment to arrange a little girl, a grown man, two big toy penguins and a sleepy cat on the couch so that everyone is happy and comfortable, but eventually Nico presses play and leans back with an inaudible sigh. The look on wonder on Abi’s face as the music starts makes him smile, though.

Halfway through the movie Abi has forgotten about Penny and Sprinkles and has pressed herself close to Nico’s side, hiding away a little every time the huns appear on the screen. Nico keeps asking her if she wants to skip to the happier parts, but she always refuses, keeping her eyes on the screen and her hand in Nico’s. Nico doesn’t mind that much, holding her close like this is like making sure she really is completely safe, but he does wonder if it makes him a bad parent, letting her watch a movie that clearly makes her scared at least on some level.

By the time they reach the scene with the victory celebrations where things start going very wrong, Abigail is practically in Nico’s lap, holding his arms tightly around her to make sure he doesn’t let go. Dog has long since left the couch to continue her nap in her own little cat bed in the corner of the room, and Abi is covering Penny’s eyes with one of her hands.

”It’s okay, honey, everything’s going to be fine”, Nico says and presses a what he hopes to be a calming kiss in her hair. It’s a movie for _children_ ; it’s not like Mulan is going to _die_ , right? ”Look – the little dragon is coming to help. See? It’s going to be fine.”

Will comes home just then, kicking off his shoes by the door and wandering to the living room presumably after the noises. ”What’s this? Is that – ”

”Daddy you have to come and protect Sprinkles!”

Nico meets Will’s eyes over Abi’s head and gestures silently towards the penguin next to them on the couch. Thankfully Will gets the point and hurries to sit next to them, setting the toy on his lap and covering it’s eyes the same way Abi is doing. ”This good?”

”Abi gives him a quick once over. ”Yeah. You protect him, and I protect Penny, and Papà protects me.” Nico can feel her relaxing a little. ”Everything’s going to be fine.”

Nico leans his head on Will’s shoulder once Abi is properly focused on the movie again. ”You can protect me, if you want”, he whispers jokingly, then feels Will laugh and kiss his temple.

”Only if you protect me.”


End file.
